The Joys of Wedding Celebrancy

In my three years working as a wedding celebrant I have discovered what a profound privilege it is to be the person closest to the bride and groom as they repeat their vows, exchange rings, and share their first kiss as husband and wife. I get to witness up-close the glow on their faces, the tears dribbling down their cheeks, and the private smiles they share. And I believe that my profession as a celebrant, as opposed to that of a JP or other officiant, gives me more insight into each couple's relationship. My clients share their personal love stories with me so that I can write a ceremony that's all about them and their love for each other. This makes each ceremony totally unique and more memorable than a theme wedding that incorporates the same generic words about love and marriage that can be heard in any other wedding.

I have performed weddings in hotels, on lakes, in parks, on river banks, and in homes. One of the loveliest weddings I've been blessed to participate in took place last week on an organic farm with a mountain vista behind the wedding canopy where just the couple, the groom's parents, their dog, and I sat on a some colorful, print fabric on the ground. The ceremony opened with the sound of a singing bowl, played by the groom because I didn't know how to make it sing! The couple had met at film school five years ago, but seeing so many documentaries about the sad state of the world inspired them to take up organic farming and grow wholesome food, to do their part to help heal the earth. They wanted their wedding to symbolize their commitment to Mother Earth as well as to each other, so I read for them the poem: "The Seasons of Love," which begins with the line: "Love has its seasons the same as does the Earth." As the couple said their vows, tears welled in the eyes of both parents, as well as the bride, who said: "We should have brought tissues." The groom's father ran to his camper to fetch some, and after the bride had wiped her eyes, she looked down at the tissue and said: "Thank you, tree."

After the ring exchange, we had a tea-sharing ritual in which the groom's mother poured tea made from herbs grown on their farm, into two cups. Ordinarily this would be done by the bride's mother, her family lives in Korea. She and her groom sipped tea from the two separate cups, then poured the remainder into a third cup to symbolize the mingling of their lives with each other and with the earth where the herbs were grown. They took turns drinking from this third cup, and after I pronounced them husband and wife, and they had kissed each other, they got up and made ceremonial bows, first to us, and then to the West, where the bride's parents are.

Just one week before this, I had performed a ceremony for a large, formal wedding at a large resort. So different, and yet also beautiful and touching. As the bride laughingly walked across the Great Lawn, arms linked with those of both her parents, the groom stood next to me with tears streaming down his face. The maid-of-honor handed him a tissue, and by the time his bride had reached him his joyful tears had been replaced by a joyful smile. This couple's story was full of humor, starting with the time before they met when they had played flag football on opposite teams, and the groom inadvertently ripped the bride's shorts when he tried to grab her flag. I told the guests how he's been trying to make up for this faux pas ever since, with romantic gestures such as surprising her with balloons and flowers on her birthday, and a hot air balloon ride the day he proposed! I enjoyed witnessing their giggles and grins as their story was shared, and the loving glances that passed between them as their friend sang "From this Moment On," Shania Twain's song with lyrics that sound like a beautiful wedding vow.

One day in the life of a wedding celebrant is never the same as another one. This morning I got up at 5 AM in order to be in Cooperstown for a 7 AM vow renewal at Doubleday Field. The ceremony had to be early to accommodate the schedule of the couple who wanted to watch their son play baseball at Cooperstown Dreams Park. The ceremony was a surprise for the husband, and it was worth the early morning drive to see the look on his face when his wife explained to him who I was and why I was meeting them there, at the site of the inscribed brick that attests to their love of baseball and their support of Doubleday Field. In the ceremony I mentioned how fitting this spot was for their ceremony, because they had their first date at a baseball game, and they had spent several family vacations in Cooperstown, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame. What I liked best about the vow renewal was seeing how much the two of them glowed, hugging and kissing throughout the ceremony. I teased them, saying that they were supposed to wait for the end to kiss each other! They exchanged new wedding rings, and then they found the brick that had their inscription on it.

For anyone planning a wedding or vow renewal, even for yourselves or for someone else, I highly recommend that you look for a certified celebrant who will create a ceremony that reflects your personal story, and perform it with warmth, care, and joy. You can begin your search for a celebrant in your area by contacting the Celebrant Foundation and Institute.